Friday, April 10, 2009

How To Cure For a Sexless Marriage

As a couples therapist, I frequently give advice to couples stuck in a sexless marriage.

The causes are varied, but this phenomenon often occurs during the “work phase” of the relationship life-cycle where raising children, soccer practice, paying the mortgage, and other life responsibilities take priority leaving little room for intimacy.

If you are stuck in this phase, this article will show you what you can do to ignite that missing spark.

Often, what is lost upon settling down is intimacy and playful flirtation. Studies show what people put less energy into flirtation, intimacy, and foreplay after they have already landed a mate. Also, the lack of flirtation or intentional sexual energy in your relationship can create a feeling of being taken for granted.

If you feel the erotic charge that flirting brings to relationships is missing in yours, here are a few suggestions that will help you increase intimacy in your life.

Get Closer to Your Partner

Decrease the physical distance between you and your partner. Intentionally get closer to your partner in various of everyday situations: cooking, doing dishes, watching movies, etc. This sends a clear message: I notice you, I’m attracted to you, etc. Don’t forget to nuzzle your partner’s neck during the hug.

Touch, But Do Not Grope, Your Partner

We humans crave physical communication from our loved ones - it’s a basic need. Nothing is more comforting or exciting than that tingle we get from skin-to-skin contact. Smart couples use this tactic to get and send the message of sexual attractiveness. Like the neck-nuzzle hug from behind, use regular brief touches to make your partner feel noticed. Remember, feeling “seen” is a major part of feeling good about ourselves which leads to feeling sexy.

Plan For Intimacy And Date Nights

Every morning, write down one thing in which you would like to compliment your partner (their generosity, their childcare abilities, cooking, etc.). Over time, your partner will begin to appear more attractive to you.

Intimacy suffers when life becomes too hectic, so planning a date nights is a great way to get away from the kids and responsibilities for a little while.

Spend time doing an activity you both enjoy. Make it interactive, as attending a movie leaves little room for good conversation. Try a quaint little bed and breakfast in order to recharge. These tips work wonders to cure a sexless marriage.

Remember, increasing intimacy is not merely a tool that will lead to sex. It will enhance the over quality of your relationship and increase feelings of worthiness, confidence, and self-confidence.

Long-term relationships do not have to result in the death of flirtation. In fact, with some amount of intention, your sexless marriage can be cured and become your source for that internal glow!

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